Processing Peanut’s birth story

Doula NYC

Two months after Peanut’s birth as I start teaching classes again, I feel pretty good about my birth experience.

It was not the case for a while. I wanted an unmedicated, physiological birth. I did so many things to prepare not only mentally but physically.

Practicing hypnosis and meditation everyday was nothing new to me. I have been meditating daily for the past 15 years. However with the pregnancy, I did more of a birth focused practice.

Physically I did MAT (Muscle Activation Technique) weekly. I did have a yoga practice before pregnancy but being so nauseous for most of my pregnancy, getting on the mat was the last thing I wanted to do.

As I got closer to the guess date, I started practicing Spinning Babies® techniques: the Three Sisters of Balance and the Daily Essentials activities. My husband and I had a really good routine with it. It felt relaxing and helped with any discomfort I might have had on the day. We would go for daily walks and I got to rest quite a bit beforehand, for which I am so thankful.

Despite all this, Peanut did not drop or engage before labor. I knew that, mentioned it to a few people and the response I got was ‘Baby is not ready’.

This bothered me so much because I knew that when a baby is engaged before labor it usually makes for a smoother birth. I understand that birth just happens, that babies are born everyday and that babies tend to rotate in labor, of course… But I have always wondered if there was anything we could do to facilitate the process and that is how I came across Gail Tully ‘s work and took my first training with her in 2013.

Ever since then, I have been looking at birth in a different way. I have been thinking Spinning Babies® for years now so much so that I became a Spinning Babies® Parent Educator.

The idea is that babies are an active participant in birth and that sometimes we can help them find a better alignment and find the exit better. It does not always work of course but why not try and see if we can help a dysfunctional labor ( a very long labor or with irregular surges or very painful) progress more smoothly…

So here I was before labor, doing what I would recommend to a client and knowing that things were not fully aligned yet. Then in early labor, when I mentioned to my midwife that baby was high and that I felt a hand in the front and she did not pick up on what I was saying at all. Then later, when it seemed that things were not progressing or rather progressing slowly when I asked if maybe Peanut was in a posterior presentation (which the midwife acknowledged), and then during pushing, when I asked if Peanut was stuck because I was experiencing back labor and she kept on hitting the same spot… Nothing was done!

In my mind I knew something was off and I thought about what I could do but Does a girl have to spin her own baby in her own labor??? I mean really?

At first I was really angry and felt unheard (which I was), the midwife even mentioned in my birth report that I was not letting go enough of my trainings therefore she was thinking that maybe I was holding the birth process back…

It took a while to let go of the anger. I still feel that maybe if someone had done some Spinning Babies® with me during labor, she would not have engaged in a posterior presentation and she would not have come down in a asynclitic position either and she would not have needed to be vacuumed out…

The truth is no one was trained to assess things in the way Spinning Babies® does other than me. I had an anterior placenta which can encourage a posterior presentation and loose ligaments because I was born with hip dysplasia. Quite the combination…

All this takes a while to unpack and I am thankful that I have the tools and the support to process my feelings and talk it out. I do not wish to bring trauma to my life as a mother and in my daughter’s life nor do I want to bring any negativity or be triggered when working with a client or when I am teaching classes.

I will however offer more Spinning Babies® support to clients who take my classes and make myself available at any time for a home and in labor visit when someone has a dysfunctional labor.

Ultimately I am very proud of myself, my husband and Peanut. I was able to have a positive and empowering birth and that is my wish for every one giving birth.

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